:3

My self-invented notation, probably not needed:

“(quote)” – Conversation not directed at PoV holder

Oh, and characters are pure fiction of-course :).

I apologize for this jarring and unexpected development, but it appears I’ve

been kidnapped, handcuffed to a bunch of chairs and desk in an abandoned

cram school, and then having to beg for water only to have my stapler

interrogator drink all of it in front of my eyes.

Or at least that was how I felt.

In a nutshell, we managed to defeat M3rri.

But that was the end of the good news.

It turned out that M3rri’s voluptuous form was a temporary appearance she maintains when coming to contact with others, and that the real M3rri was a chibi with bangs.

After explaining to her about our objectives (and sworn to never talk about this secret), she seemed eager to learn what we’ve found out about the <<door>> and insisted that we took her with us on our way back to <<ground area>>. Needless to say, as Mount Everest depressed into the Great Plains, so did my enthusiasm.

To further expand my dismay, our transport was apparently handpicked by Snirito, and that meant there was only one <<Battle Vehicle>> that we’d be riding home with:

The Van, one of the three 3rd generation <<Battle Vehicle>>, was a multi-passenger undercover heavy-armored escape vehicle meant to be used primarily in getaways.

To that effect, the outer appearence of the Van is decorated in plain two colour paint with an unoriginal shape of a box.

The disguise is then completed with an animal head (of your choice) mount in front of the van.

Complete with stealth and decoy features, the van was sure to sell.

I’m usually not one to complain about the aethestics, but I had a feeling it would be a horribly out of place if used to escape from a sticky situation.

That being said, those two are hitting it off quite well ever since entering the van.

“(Yoooooo, this van is the greatest.)”

“(I know right? Whoever came up with the idea is a genius)”.

The road to <<ground area>> couldn’t be any longer.

“So who exactly are you guys?”

The chibi with bangs broke away from leaning towards the front seat and asked.

“You can probably call us the Funeral Parlors. An organization dedicated to fight the government.”

I wasn’t going to give away important information to someone who tried to kill me just a few hours back. Plus, I would be truly lying if I knew what “we” wanted to do exactly.

“（　´_ゝ`）”

It didn’t look like she was buying my nonsense.

“What do you need to know exactly? While we are travelling together, we are, at the end, two mathematical functions that may intersect once, twice or be parallel until we meet at the horizon.”

“（　´_ゝ`）”

Eh? I thought that would’ve sealed the deal for sure. My ultimate cool, witty, romantic, all-purpose one liner.

And （　´_ゝ`） wasn’t even a phrase you could pronounce!

“So you two are in a relation that you cannot say to public?”

Ok just one minute. You are misunderstanding why I am being hesitant here.

She glanced at my very troubled face and the ends of her lips tilted upwards.

“Oh no no, no need to say anything more. I understand perfectly.”

Now she is just jumping to conclusions.

This was an issue more important guild secrecy: She was mistakenly thinking that Snirito and I are actually buddies.

I needed to clear up the mess before things escalate, as they tend to around Snirito, into false labels that stick to me forever.

“So you want to know the relation between Snirito and I?”

I paused for a moment and pondered the most effective way of describing Snirito and I.

“Imagine a bowl of rice.”

“You see the rice? Good, that is Snirito.”

“Now, I would be the white…

…on the toilet two stories away from the dining room. That’d be me. That’s the distance in intimacy we are talking about.”

She didn’t seem to believe me even after my passionate hand swinging, imaginary house shape gesturing, faithful depiction of the truth.

I had no choice, I needed a testimony that is unshakable by even the Wrightiest attourney.

“Alright,”

I began to tell a story that I would be all too happy to forget of,

“… it all started near the gate of floor 11…”

—

“HRRRAGHHH”

I heard a man let out a war-cry as he swing his shield toward the <<key monster>>. It was the Gemini-minotaur mini-boss, one of the trickier mini-bosses that required a team of coordinated members to get through successfully.

The fight itself was simple, avoid the twin minotaurs while making sure the two Geminis are interrupted before they cast their spells which would either invoke huge area of effect damage onto an area or immensely power-up the minotaurs. As long as people were aware of the Geminis, a team of four would easily pass through the gate.

I surveyed the group fighting it, there were already two of the four members down and the rest was struggling to hold on. There was little time to hesitate, it was obvious that if the fight continued the group would be in grave matters.

I jumped in the arena,

but before I could do anything a figure rushed in front of me and threw himself at the minotaurs.

“I am Snirito, the Shield that Smites Evil.”

!?

All movements on the field stopped, and everyone turned to the figure with the black trench coat. His figure was small…and round.

A closer look at him would reveal his pink transparent jelly texture and a slight protrusion that seemed to somehow connect telepathically with another smaller body of pink excretion.

His black trench coat that wrapped around him was tied together by a thin string in the front, where he revealed a big “3″ mouth.

“There’s no mango that I can’t read.”

As if getting ignored on his punchline, time quickly advanced again on the battlefield, with the minotaurs reacting first.

The black minotaur attempting to do what looks like a bear hug to Snirito

and the white one dropped its head down and started revving its foot, aiming the injured group members.

“Taunt the white one!”

I yelled at Snirito.

He held a shield that looked like it was specialized in defense. These shields can be customized with the ability to temporary hold <<hatred>> from surrounding <<enemies>>, a shield typically given to <<Tanks>>.

“I don’t have taunt!”

“What? Why did you pick that shield then?”

He reached into his coat, and slowly pulled out, as if he was extracting a void from between the bosoms of a scantly clad band singer

…another one of the same shields as that previous one.

He was <<dual wielding>>…defensive shields.

There was no time to ponder the reasoning behind Snirito’s choice of shields. The white minotaur was already charging.

I ran as fast as I could towards the injured members. They were fainted on the ground, and there wasn’t enough time to move them.

My only option is to stand as a wall between them and the bull.

The minotaur gave me no time to prepare for the impact, I tried my best to

put all my weight forward, my feet pushing against the ground creating a line of crevice in the ground.

The force surpassing my hand’s limits even with all the additional effort I put in.

The veins in my hands destroyed, and my elbow bent in an inwardly odd angle.

But the pressure lifted shortly after, as one of the remaining party member was able to grab the white minotaur’s attention and lured him away.

The damage done to my arms were severe, but not fatal. Just as I was about to return to the other side of the arena where everyone was fighting,

when I saw one of the Geminis close to completing her spell.

“Stop the gemini or this fight will be made tougher!”

“Yeah, stop the gemini guys!”

I yelled across the arena only to be returned with the exact same statement that I was trying to convey.

Snirito didn’t even look around at the position of everyone as he was too focused on fighting the black minotaur.

If he did he would know that I am on the other side of the arena, and the two others were busy luring the white minotaur away from the injured.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

First taunt, now this? How selfish can your build get!

Despite my attempt to throw my shield across to interrupt the gemini, it was just too far and too late to stop the geminis. A spell went off and both minotaurs were healed to full health.

…

..

.

We must’ve fought an equivalent of two DNSEA maintenance before we were able to trudge through the gates of floor 11.

When we reached the gates, the group thanked us both and left for the outpost.

I wanted to part ways as well, but I was exhausted and pained, so I rested my body on one of the pillars of the <<blue gate>>. Unfortunately, Snirito did so as well.

“Phew, that was a long one.”

I’ll have you know that you were one of the causes of the long fight if I weren’t so tired.

“But you kept your energy and fought well.”

Half fueled by anger and fury, mind you.

“What do you think about joining me?”

“Huh?”

“My clan, MoonCheese. We are a low profile clan who accepts only the most special people.”

I’m not sure what exactly he meant by “special” people, but it sounded dangerous. Moreover, I’d have to deal with Snirito.

“I appreciate the offer, but n-”

At that moment, perhaps the alpha world line suddenly entangled itself in the beta world line, the phone in my pocket rang and I just knew I had to take it.

For the good of the world.

“#$%^&.”

I spoke words that cannot be mentioned, without regards to my surroundings.

I quickly realized the error of my ways and hung the phone, but then the one person that would be the last person I wanted to let hear what I’ve just said

was grinning in front of me,

with his pinky pointed to his mouth.

“#$%^& huh? www”.

He even added the weeaboo laugh to spite me.

It was too late. I knew it was too late. Everything was too late. Game over man, game over.

“-ow that I think about it, please let me join this clan!”

That was the day I fell into despair forever.